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She squeezed her eyes shut tighter against the brightness of the sky as Porphyria moved away. Nova was certain she'd anticipated Porphyria's departure before there'd been any discernable sign of it, before even the intake of breath. The anticipation of it seemed to make the reality all the more alarming. Of course she wanted Miss Dempsey off of her, she wanted to be stood on her feet and clean of any dirt or other signs of dishevelment. These were all logical and proper things that she wanted and should want. But there was something sharp and stabbing in her chest and a roiling in her stomach that challenged logic. She'd ruined it all. The weight of Porphyria might have left her but something altogether more heavy and oppressive now bore down on her and it was hers alone. Who was there to share this with that wouldn't be appalled?

Merlin, she hadn't even considered the betrayal of Gaius in all of it. It was a betrayal, wasn't it? If she hadn't tainted a chaste moment with her impure feelings it would've been different. What had she done? Somehow the betrayal of her husband felt trivial next to... She formed the start of an apology on her lips several times and never found the will to utter any of it. As long as she said nothing there was a small shred of hope that Porphyria hadn't noticed anything untoward. Even as she regretted her behavior and hoped it had miraculously passed unnoticed, even now to her horror did she want to kiss her again.

A goodbye kiss.

But hell, weren't they sprawling on the ground in a cemetery in plain sight? How had she so thoroughly forgotten? What if someone had seen? Surely they would've heard some shocked bystander if there was one, but perhaps they'd shocked someone into muteness? The longer they were on the ground, the more likely they were to be discovered and though they were no longer in a highly abnormal set up, it wasn't much better for them to be seen rolling in the dirt.

She sat up abruptly and started trying to tidy herself. I- We- I... Ought to go. Her words were small and restrained as usual but seemed to be on the verge of running into each other. Now that her eyes were open again she was well aware of her watery eyes and now even that seemed a shame that needed to kept from her. Looking in the opposite direction from Porphyria, Nova got off the ground and continued brushing herself down whilst also stealing glances around the cemetery for signs of other people. Mercifully, it seemed to be just the two of them.

Her heart leaped into her throat as she realized there was a good chance the back of her dress bore suggestions of what had transpired. Merlin, what was she going to do? What if Gaius saw before she could change? What if her maid asked questions or simply gossiped? She felt herself sway dangerously before she forced herself to get a grip - wasn't that how this had all happened, anyway? But panicking about everything else was easier than dwelling on the friendship that was probably about to end now. Maybe it wouldn't, maybe Porphyria hadn't noticed anything and it was all fine, but how was Nova supposed to forget like all was normal? Suppose Porphyria kissed her platonically again and Nova revealed herself? She dared to steal a glance down at Porphyria and regretted it immediately. She'd thought Porphyria was someone she could be herself around but she'd ruined it for herself. She had been too free. She hadn't even known she had that level of freedom to be, but she had, and it had been a mistake.

I am sorry, she murmured, voice barely more than a whisper. Her instinct was to disapparate right then and there, but that felt hopelessly rude. She took a few steps away from Porphyria. Please forgive me. She made to disapparate and then felt an overwhelming regret seize hold of her, only to then remember that splinching was in fact a thing and in her panic, followed through and disappeared. Sans the very tip of her left pinky finger.

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Outfit | Tag: Porphyria Dempsey | Notes: