I bet it hurts way more to heal - Printable Version
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+--- Thread: I bet it hurts way more to heal (/showthread.php?tid=17606)
I bet it hurts way more to heal - Fortitude Greengrass - August 3, 2025
12 April, 1895 — Ty's House, Wellingtonshire
Mind the gnomes, he'd said, as if Ford needed to be reminded about the gnomes. As if he hadn't been coming to this house longer than the youngest of the gnomes in the small hoard had been alive. It was probably good that he'd said it, though, because otherwise Ford would have thought nothing of taking the floo over, as he often had before. Being forced to think about the gnomes made him consider that given what Jemima knew, perhaps that wasn't the best idea. Most of society still thought they were friends, even if there had been some speculation about their having argued or drifted apart recently, so it was less suspicious by far to come by the front door and to make an excuse to Jemima if she caught him on the way out. Having said that, he was far too flustered to come up with an excuse, so it was a relief that she had already gone up to bed by the time he came by the house.
Ty's claims strained belief. Although he had promised he'd come by the house to discuss it in more depth, the more time passed since the initial conversation the more incredulous he became. This must have been a trick of some kind, he determined. He just couldn't figure out Tycho's end game.
Was coming a bad idea? Should he turn around and head home again? Surely there would be no danger in coming, or at least none he hadn't already assumed in leaving the house again tonight... but it was hard to see how their meeting again worked out to either of their benefit, either.
And yet here he was, picking his way through the front garden while carefully avoiding the gnomes. He wasn't sure what to expect if he knocked and didn't want to talk to one of Ty's servants tonight, so took the risk of letting himself in the front door and was relieved to find Tycho alone in one of the downstairs rooms.
"Can I see the book?" he asked without preamble.
Ty's claims strained belief. Although he had promised he'd come by the house to discuss it in more depth, the more time passed since the initial conversation the more incredulous he became. This must have been a trick of some kind, he determined. He just couldn't figure out Tycho's end game.
Was coming a bad idea? Should he turn around and head home again? Surely there would be no danger in coming, or at least none he hadn't already assumed in leaving the house again tonight... but it was hard to see how their meeting again worked out to either of their benefit, either.
And yet here he was, picking his way through the front garden while carefully avoiding the gnomes. He wasn't sure what to expect if he knocked and didn't want to talk to one of Ty's servants tonight, so took the risk of letting himself in the front door and was relieved to find Tycho alone in one of the downstairs rooms.
"Can I see the book?" he asked without preamble.
RE: I bet it hurts way more to heal - Tycho Dodonus - August 4, 2025
Tycho did not know what to make of any of this. However, upon having had time to think he knew it was not out of the realm of possibility that he might have tried some new drug or drink that came with side effects. He was pacing, having dismissed his staff for the night already. Not that he had any live-in ones but some did tent to linger late into the night if they had overdue tasks they wished to finish before the new day.
The book? Tycho stared at him blankly for a moment before nodding. He walked over to one of the shelves in the room and took one of the copies he had there. For My Brown Eyes was a small, brown book filled with poetry and a handful of songs. Words filled with longing, heartbreak, love and desire. Everything the dreams and visions had made him feel spilled out into words. He was a little conscious of the fact it was basically a very long love letter to a man he had been assuming to have never met. He had omitted the more specific details that might have directly pinpointed Mister Greengrass as being his subject.
"I kept having these dreams and visions of you," he said as he handed it over. "And had all these feelings that could not be contained. I tried my best to make sure no one could know it is for you. But some part of me must have hoped you would find the words I had written for you." He felt uncharacteristically bashful and his cheeks reddened.
The book? Tycho stared at him blankly for a moment before nodding. He walked over to one of the shelves in the room and took one of the copies he had there. For My Brown Eyes was a small, brown book filled with poetry and a handful of songs. Words filled with longing, heartbreak, love and desire. Everything the dreams and visions had made him feel spilled out into words. He was a little conscious of the fact it was basically a very long love letter to a man he had been assuming to have never met. He had omitted the more specific details that might have directly pinpointed Mister Greengrass as being his subject.
"I kept having these dreams and visions of you," he said as he handed it over. "And had all these feelings that could not be contained. I tried my best to make sure no one could know it is for you. But some part of me must have hoped you would find the words I had written for you." He felt uncharacteristically bashful and his cheeks reddened.
RE: I bet it hurts way more to heal - Fortitude Greengrass - September 1, 2025
Ford took the slender volume in his hands, but he didn't know what he intended to do with it. He could open the cover and turn the pages, but his eyes couldn't focus on the letters themselves when he was this distracted. Tycho had been having visions and dreams of him. Tycho had been writing him love poetry. Ford had seen the shingles on his rooftop gain color again and had fretted over what it meant, but he never would have imagined what it meant was that Tycho was in love with him again.
"I've been dreaming about you, too," he admitted, practically under his breath. It felt shameful to admit when he was supposed to be focusing on the baby, on Jemima, on rebuilding their relationship and earning her trust, but he couldn't help where his subconscious wandered at night. Though mostly those dreams hadn't been pleasant. Mostly they hinged on the expression on Tycho's face when he'd left Ford's room that night.
"You don't remember anything?" Ford asked. He had opened the book to a random page, but still hadn't made his eyes or his brain focus on the words yet. "You don't remember how you left?"
"I've been dreaming about you, too," he admitted, practically under his breath. It felt shameful to admit when he was supposed to be focusing on the baby, on Jemima, on rebuilding their relationship and earning her trust, but he couldn't help where his subconscious wandered at night. Though mostly those dreams hadn't been pleasant. Mostly they hinged on the expression on Tycho's face when he'd left Ford's room that night.
"You don't remember anything?" Ford asked. He had opened the book to a random page, but still hadn't made his eyes or his brain focus on the words yet. "You don't remember how you left?"
RE: I bet it hurts way more to heal - Tycho Dodonus - September 6, 2025
Tycho couldn't help but grin as the other said he had dreamt of him too. This was all bizarre but he couldn't deny the thrilling joy the notion gave him that he had been on the others mind. He moved closer to the other, not liking the distance between them.
"Nothing. Anything I tried to focus on more fully, I suppose to properly remember, I would get this splitting headache and a sort of vague haziness. It is hard to describe in words and I'm generally pretty great at words." The last question snagged at him as well. "What did I leave?"
"Nothing. Anything I tried to focus on more fully, I suppose to properly remember, I would get this splitting headache and a sort of vague haziness. It is hard to describe in words and I'm generally pretty great at words." The last question snagged at him as well. "What did I leave?"
RE: I bet it hurts way more to heal - Fortitude Greengrass - September 6, 2025
Tycho edged closer to him and Ford was seized with a thought: he could kiss him. Tycho, this version of him, would let him and would probably kiss him back. That hadn't been true for some time — the look on Ty's face when he'd left the bedroom had left little doubt in Ford's mind about where the two of them stood. There were a million reasons why he shouldn't, as there always were, but the mere possibility of it had him nearly quivering with emotion. Even shy of that, even just standing closer to Tycho or leaning against his side or touching his hand would have been blissful. And wrong. Very wrong. Not just because it would be another betrayal to Jemima. It felt like taking advantage of Tycho's memory situation, and therefore taking advantage of him. If he recovered all of his memories tomorrow, how would he feel about it? One more reason to hate Ford forever, as if he didn't have enough of those already.
"I lied to you," he blurted out. "I got married and I lied to you about why."
"I lied to you," he blurted out. "I got married and I lied to you about why."
RE: I bet it hurts way more to heal - Tycho Dodonus - September 20, 2025
Tycho blinked in surprise. There was that overwhelming ache again which he felt so detached from because his body clearly remembered - but his mind would not. It was frustrating and even for him, who always took life as it flowed to him, it was kind of terrifying. "Is it possible I only left for some alone space to think things over? With how my entire being is consumed by you, for you - I cannot see myself having had any intentions of having left forever."
RE: I bet it hurts way more to heal - Fortitude Greengrass - September 21, 2025
It would have been disingenuous to suggest Ford didn't know prior to this moment how deeply he longed for Tycho's forgiveness, but this declaration, offered easily and almost thoughtlessly, made him feel it. For weeks he had relegated it to a corner of his mind reserved for things he wasn't allowed to want. Because he hadn't earned forgiveness; because Jemima deserved more of him than he had ever been able to offer her; because there was a baby on the way; because there was no version of the future in which he ever made Tycho happy again and it was selfish to want anything from him at all.
It wasn't true absolution. Tycho couldn't offer him that while he didn't remember the sins Ford had committed against him. But hearing those words from his lips and holding the evidence of them in his hands was still entirely overwhelming. His insides buzzed in the same way a limb did before it went numb. He closed the space between them deliberately but not urgently; less a movement than a gravitational collapse. He put one hand up against the side of Tycho's face, like one would do during a kiss, then closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against Ty's. Their breath mingled in the space between them. On Ford's mind were no comprehensible thoughts at all, just a rising tide of longing.
It wasn't true absolution. Tycho couldn't offer him that while he didn't remember the sins Ford had committed against him. But hearing those words from his lips and holding the evidence of them in his hands was still entirely overwhelming. His insides buzzed in the same way a limb did before it went numb. He closed the space between them deliberately but not urgently; less a movement than a gravitational collapse. He put one hand up against the side of Tycho's face, like one would do during a kiss, then closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against Ty's. Their breath mingled in the space between them. On Ford's mind were no comprehensible thoughts at all, just a rising tide of longing.
RE: I bet it hurts way more to heal - Tycho Dodonus - September 23, 2025
Tycho watched as Ford closed the distance between them. He nuzzled his face against the others hand, peering down at him as the other closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against his. There was a feeling there, like muscle memory but not quite. The sense he had taken this man into his arms many times before, had stood with him in manners similar to this just as many times as well. The scent of a crisp and clean - aftershave? - that came off the other was familiar. Like coming home after a long journey away.
"I still can't fully remember you but I know I love you. I dream of you and my soul whispers poetry for you," he whispered into the others ear before pressing a kiss against the others earlobe and trailing down the others jawline. Something deep inside told him the other would not feel good about being kissed on the lips - even if both of them might want it - so he settled for gently brushing his thumb over the others lower lip instead. "If I know myself as well as I sometimes do - I just needed to process things. I am not always... one for heavy emotional things." As far as he knew, he had never really been in a seriously romantic romance - but from his visions and dreams, he knew this... whatever he'd had with this man had been one such romance.
"I still can't fully remember you but I know I love you. I dream of you and my soul whispers poetry for you," he whispered into the others ear before pressing a kiss against the others earlobe and trailing down the others jawline. Something deep inside told him the other would not feel good about being kissed on the lips - even if both of them might want it - so he settled for gently brushing his thumb over the others lower lip instead. "If I know myself as well as I sometimes do - I just needed to process things. I am not always... one for heavy emotional things." As far as he knew, he had never really been in a seriously romantic romance - but from his visions and dreams, he knew this... whatever he'd had with this man had been one such romance.
RE: I bet it hurts way more to heal - Fortitude Greengrass - September 27, 2025
There was a temptation to melt into an embrace the moment Tycho's lips touched his skin, and holding himself up straight took practically all his willpower. The affirmation of love was too much — or would have been, without the caveat that this was only half his Tycho. He didn't remember it. There was no substance behind the declaration, only the echo of what had been there before. So he didn't surrender his reservations and throw himself into Tycho's arms... but the fact that the echo that remained was of the love and not the pain still had the corners of his eyes welling with grateful tears.
"I love you, too," he mumbled. "I promise. Even if — even though —" Here he fell apart. He hadn't rehearsed this, sure that Tycho would never again give him an audience long enough to make excuses, much less offer explanations. He didn't have any way of explaining away the hurt he'd caused, either. He could say he'd never meant to, but while that was true he wasn't sure that it mattered. Any explanation of the actual sequence of events that had lead them here like the one he'd given Jemima in December wasn't going to make him come across as particularly lovable.
Maybe it didn't matter. Tycho had forgotten once; maybe he'd forget this entire interaction tomorrow, if they didn't figure out what was happening first. Ford sniffled to keep the tears welled in his eyes from falling and pulled back, extricating himself from Tycho. "Let's get your memory back."
"I love you, too," he mumbled. "I promise. Even if — even though —" Here he fell apart. He hadn't rehearsed this, sure that Tycho would never again give him an audience long enough to make excuses, much less offer explanations. He didn't have any way of explaining away the hurt he'd caused, either. He could say he'd never meant to, but while that was true he wasn't sure that it mattered. Any explanation of the actual sequence of events that had lead them here like the one he'd given Jemima in December wasn't going to make him come across as particularly lovable.
Maybe it didn't matter. Tycho had forgotten once; maybe he'd forget this entire interaction tomorrow, if they didn't figure out what was happening first. Ford sniffled to keep the tears welled in his eyes from falling and pulled back, extricating himself from Tycho. "Let's get your memory back."
RE: I bet it hurts way more to heal - Tycho Dodonus - October 16, 2025
Tychos heart soared as the other told him he loved him. He could understand there being circumstances. Something had clearly happened to make them need to be apart. He could conclude that much from context clues - perhaps the mans marriage? Whatever it was, it did not presently matter to Ty. He loved fiercely and it turned out to not be entirely unreciprocated.
Tycho told the other what he could figure out and with their heads together, they concluded that it seemed to stem from an odd woman in an even odder booth. Other people had reported odd happenings with it so clearly he'd made some sort of resolution that had tied to memory. Or so they were assuming since Tycho couldn't remember what he'd said to her.
"Well, at least its clear its some sort of spell or enchantment gone awry or words misconstrued somehow. I'm not the sort to choose to forget things just because they're painful."
Tycho told the other what he could figure out and with their heads together, they concluded that it seemed to stem from an odd woman in an even odder booth. Other people had reported odd happenings with it so clearly he'd made some sort of resolution that had tied to memory. Or so they were assuming since Tycho couldn't remember what he'd said to her.
"Well, at least its clear its some sort of spell or enchantment gone awry or words misconstrued somehow. I'm not the sort to choose to forget things just because they're painful."