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How Not to Offend Every Person You Encounter Before Tea - Printable Version

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How Not to Offend Every Person You Encounter Before Tea - Reginald Alderton - July 28, 2025

28 July 1895
Anthony Alderton
Anthony,

I came across this book while reorganizing the library shelves today while visiting Mama. I immediately thought you might use it to make some local friends, and perhaps it will make you more likely to come home. And remember that you have more siblings than just Lucy.

I recommend beginning with Chapter VIII. On the Cultivation of Friendship Through Means Other Than Irritation, Boasting, or Repeated Insult: A Consideration of Gentler Approaches.

Your (only) brother,
Reg(inald)


Enclosed is a copy of The Art of Amiable Conversation, or, How Not to Offend Every Person You Encounter Before Tea. Reg has so kindly marked Chapter VIII with a bookmark.



RE: How Not to Offend Every Person You Encounter Before Tea - Anthony Alderton - July 28, 2025

30 July 1895 - France
Dear Reginald,

Very funny.

I’m impressed you’ve found your sense of humor at last.

Always,
Anthony



30 July 1895 - France
Basil my good chap—

Our beloved Reginald has sent me this book for which I, evidently, have no need. But you, dear cousin, I think may find true benefit within its pages.

I’ve drawn you a delightful picture in the margins of one of the chapters. Let me know if you can find it.

Yours,
Anthony


Enclosed is a copy of The Art of Amiable Conversation, or, How Not to Offend Every Person You Encounter Before Tea. In addition to Reg’s bookmark and letter (which has been left tucked into the first pages for the record) Anthony has scribbled a doodle in a random margin on page 107 of what looks like the Hogwarts crest, then a bird with a hat.



RE: How Not to Offend Every Person You Encounter Before Tea - Basil Foxwood - July 28, 2025

1 August 1895 - Foxwood House, London
Anthony—

Hilarious.

I’ll have you know my social calendar this summer holiday has been busier than yours, by far!

I’m sending it back to our dear Reginald who, I am sure, shall be pleased to catalogue it for future reference.

B. Foxwood



1 August 1895 - Foxwood House, London

Dear Reginald,

I believe I return to you here something that may be of use. Your nuisance of a brother has sent it along to me but - admittedly, after flipping through a few pages - I did not find it entirely void of practicality.

Yours in confidence,
Basil


Enclosed is a copy of The Art of Amiable Conversation, or, How Not to Offend Every Person You Encounter Before Tea. In addition to Reg’s bookmark and letter (which has been left tucked into the first pages for the record) and Anthony’s scribbled doodle in a random margin on page 107 of what looks like the Hogwarts crest, then a bird with a hat— Basil has added Anthony’s letter to the front and his own signature to the flyleaf. A postmortem to show he’s been there and a trail of evidence.

Attn: Reginald Alderton et al.


RE: How Not to Offend Every Person You Encounter Before Tea - Reginald Alderton - July 28, 2025

2 August 1895
Basil Foxwood
Basil,

I appreciate the return of the book, especially in such pristine condition. I had found it in Mama's study and thought Anthony might make some use of it. It appears he didn't read it, but we will work on his skills to not offend family before tea, too.
Yours,
Reg


2 August 1895
Lucy Hutton
Lucy,

I found this book in Mama's study, and over the last few days it's been making the rounds like some unfortunate family curse. I sent it to Anthony in jest, but you know him, he wasn't amused. He probably treated it with the reverence of a used napkin. He sent it to Basil, who sent it to back to me. He, on the other hand, found it “not entirely void of practicality".

I trust you’ll do better than either. Please, read a chapter, roll your eyes, and at least pretend to learn something. We can gang up on Anthony when we see him next to let him know he missed out on reading such an excellent book.

Page 47 made me think of you. I think you'll see why.

Yours,
Reg


Enclosed is a copy of The Art of Amiable Conversation, or, How Not to Offend Every Person You Encounter Before Tea. In addition to Reg’s bookmark and letters written by Reg and Anthony (which have been left tucked into the first pages for the record), Anthony’s scribbled doodle in a random margin on page 107 of what looks like the Hogwarts crest, then a bird with a hat, Basil's signature to the flyleaf, Reg has underlined a passage about a loving friend who is the example of what one should strive for, located on page 47, with a note that reads, This is you, Lucy.