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Witch Weekly · April 26, 2020 – 6:14 AM

The Fall Of Miss Finch
If all was well, the next Miss Finch to marry would have become a pleasing wife to Mr. St.John-Black, American Liaison to the Ministry, in an advantageous match made by the family. This was not what happened in February. At first her disappearance was a mystery. Then the rumours grew. Now, there is no doubt: Miss Melody Finch fled mere days before her wedding in order to become Mrs. Reuben Crouch. Perhaps the couple had hoped to ride out the fallout from their elopement in secrecy abroad, but now, like plague-carrying rats or a bad rash, the couple have returned to our shores and made themselves a nest in the streets of Swallowbury. A confounded decision, indeed — but not even a Crouch can lie low forever.

Were the pair previously involved?
It was easy not to believe the whispers, at first, for who knew Miss Finch and Mr. Crouch had even been acquainted? Even we at Witch Weekly had not predicted this, although an astute reader or two recalled that the pair had perhaps met in passing in as early as 1887. There is little trace of any interaction beyond that, although - as is well known among our readers - Mr. Reuben Crouch is certainly something of a rake. One could not have imagined him married anytime soon; it seems inconceivable that Miss Melody Finch, by all accounts an intelligent, well-bred young lady, would have fallen for a common cursebreaking cad with precisely no recommendations to offer him. But perhaps Mr. Crouch, with his known wandering eye, settled upon a prize he was determined to win... by any means.

What prompted their elopement?
It was not as though Miss Finch did not have prospects, after all. With no prior affectation of coquettish behaviour and a family free from scandal, she did not seem like the next debutante to fall prey to the pressure of elopement. Might she just have been following the lure of infamy, the latest societal fad? Was there something more unpleasant or nefarious lurking in her future with Mr. St-John Black? Or was the marriage but a cover-up of a seduction that had already begun? If Miss Finch had already fallen prey to Mr. Crouch and fallen pregnant, perhaps the arrangement to a gentleman of her own station was a necessary means to save her from him. Perhaps Miss Finch thought herself too noble to inflict such cuckoldry on an innocent man. Perhaps she was swayed by Mr. Crouch’s arguments to raise their child together.

Or perhaps she simply had no choice at all. Mr. Crouch is currently a distillery promoter, after all. Who would be better placed to ply a young lady with untested concoctions like a strong draught of Amortentia than he? Miss Finch might never have been conscious of what she was doing at all!

What have the consequences been?
Whether she was at fault or not, of course, the consequences of bad judgement and sordid practices will not have gone away as easily as swallowing a tonic or two. Miss Finch has, predictably, borne the brunt of it, with her family immediately taking the sensible course of disowning her. On the other hand, Reuben Crouch’s family and friends - including Mr. Aldous Crouch in the former, and the Mr. Arthur Pettigrews in the latter - have been spotted visiting the newlyweds. While the Crouches do not have any unmarried girls to think of, they ought to consider whether a man of their brother’s insalubrious character ought to be encouraged by any show of kindness or forgiveness. The other Crouch men are yet to marry, after all — and might never do so if they let their younger brother anywhere near their intendeds!

What will Mr. and Mrs. Crouch do now?
Try to be happy in an arrangement in which no one sane should find themselves happy, presumably. Not only is Miss Finch having now to be mistress of a house in Irvingly well below the expected standards of her former station - one wonders how they will have the room for a nursey or funds for a nanny at all! - she will only face more sorrow, at home and in society, as she unwillingly bears Mr. Crouch’s children. There will be many an eye peeled on the girth of her figure as the months pass — but perhaps there will be some pity afforded in passing glances, too, for a girl deceived and deplorably used. Will the poor former Miss Finch ever be able to sing again shackled in her new, not-so-gilded cage? Does her new husband not feel any remorse for what he has done?

The unhappy new Mrs. Crouch.

Promoter for the Jewell Distillery, Mr. Reuben Crouch is a man from whom every reputable witch or wizard ought to stay away.

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Issue #232 - The Fall of Miss Finch