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Witch Weekly · March 16, 2020 – 12:38 AM

Disclaimer:
The esteemed anonymous author of these poems takes no responsibility for flaws in the syllables or any failures of scansion of these poems. Nonsense is nonsense, folks; sometimes one must simply put up with it.

Society Lives in Limericks
This coming week sees the celebration of St. Patrick's Day, and with it all things Irish. Whilst there does not exist a great deal for Ireland to take pride in, one cannot argue that they are the cultural masters of coarseness, obscenity, and all things vulgar... including, of course, the nonsense poem. Thus, what better time to present a collection of poems by an anonymous writer in celebration of our society? Can you guess who the portraits of these poems are, or do you need to brush up on your gossip?

HE was once the very head of society
Lost his station, and perhaps his sobriety,
For his wife is deceased
And his daughter’s a beast
But hey — at least life has variety?

THERE once was a lady who got pregnant right after
Getting lost in a fertile Mongolian pasture:
Gave birth to a boy
Now she has to play coy
Bet her husband won’t trust her hereafter.

I knew a girl who was snatched as a child,
Dragged home and yet grew up far too wild,
Got scarred by her dad
And lost all she had
And now the poor tart is reviled.

THIS sad handsome healer, lend him a crutch
For he seems to break everyone he does touch
No time to beg marriage:
She’s killed by a carriage
For the next girl to live, is that asking too much?

NOT long ago she looked pale on Death’s door,
(with longing, perhaps, for her husband’s a bore)
Was she tired of life?
Or a dull, preening wife?
For even Death seems to want her no more!

AN English rose with a name you can croon,
Arrangements were made to get her life back in tune
—But where did she go?
The poor bloke doesn’t know
She skipped the wedding for a new honeymoon.

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Issue #229 - Society Lives in Limericks