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Why Is Percival Adlard Jr. Still Unmarried? For our readers who do not contend to bore themselves with the likes of the Daily Prophet, or who may have missed this week’s gossip, we are delighted to announce the promotion of Mr. Percival Adlard Jr. to Assistant Head of his department at the Ministry of Magic, in Regulation & Control of Magical Creatures. Mr. Adlard Jr., a thirty-two-year-old former Hufflepuff, has plenty of further assets in name and character, and yet remains unmarried. A tragedy, one might exclaim! But whyever could this be?  Mr. Adlard Jr. may be the very picture of an eligible bachelor on the surface — but what else is hiding beneath that handsomeness?
No one likes a cripple.Having formerly come to the forefront of society for his valiant actions against the rampaging mountain troll down the High Street - during a time of no-magic, to boot! - one might think Mr. Aldard Jr. a hero deserving of any young lady’s attentions. But, far from helping his eligibility, his heroics may have hindered this: since his injuries that day, he has required the constant use of a cane. A mark of his selflessness, perhaps, but one that dashes his chances when it comes to the usual courting rituals of dancing! While it is said it is only his leg that is affected, there have been whispers that indeed a great deal more of Mr. Adlard Jr is now deformed. How devastating for any young woman who might have had her eye on him! He is a werewolf. Previously acknowledged in the pages of our publication, this rumour may not be the malicious hearsay it seems. It would explain why his injuries have never seemed to heal well, and indeed why he seems reluctant at social events. But one can see the logic: after all, where better placed to be than a former head of the Beast Division, and how else to blackmail the Werewolf Capture Unit into silence from inside the doors of a department in which you have a great deal of authority? He may have the eyes of a loveable puppy on the outside, but on the inside - or at least during the full moon - one suspects there might be a more grizzled, ferocious beast raring to be unleashed. He is having an affair with his superior. The alternative reason for the promotion that appears to be well-deserved, an employee of that very same department has caught the scent of a beastly scandal lurking in those halls. Current Head of the department, Mrs. Morwenna Skeeter has been a widow for nigh on thirty years, and who knows what might have befallen a woman so suitably placed to such temptations? One cannot say the precise terms of the affair, or who is benefiting most of it, but it cannot be denied that Mrs. Skeeter and Mr. Adlard Jr. cannot quite contain their cordiality even in public. Hussies keep breaking his heart. Fie on us, maybe, for coming to the worst conclusions, when perhaps a tragedy is simply a tragedy: one of the most agreeable men in our society, doomed to die alone because we cannot appreciate him properly. It does seem just his bad luck, what with the recent revelations that he did indeed get so far as proposing courtship to a young lady — only for her to then, shockingly, turn him down! From the mouth of one of her household’s former maids, Miss Elsie Beauregard may not be quite so innocent as she appears, but whatever her dark secrets, it does seem inexplicable that a young lady who deferred from the life of debutante immediately into librarianship should have the gall to refuse any offer she received — never mind one from a suitor so securely placed (on the surface) and fetching as Percival Adlard Jr.! |
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