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Witch Weekly · September 23, 2018 – 5:33 PM

The 7 Most Desperate Bachelors of the '88 Season
Here at Witch Weekly, we pride ourselves on keeping up with social season so that you don’t have to. We’ve been keeping tabs on several bachelors for at least one season longer than is fashionable. As a favor to our readers, we want to highlight these bachelors that have an increasing scent of desperation for those thinking of marriage in the very, very near future. Though they are not the cream of the crop, they could be just the right man for you!

Mr. August Echelon-Arnost

Mr. August Echelon-Arnost
Whilst pureblooded and of a reasonably well-off family, Mr. Echelon-Arnost seems to have had some trouble in the marriage department. This is likely due to several members of his family having less than stellar reputations, but if that doesn’t bother you, you also ought to be aware that he once was engaged to Miss Lyra Potter - before she ‘died’ and outed herself as a vampire several years later. He is handsome, thirty-one and was a Ravenclaw. He’s a bit progressive in his views, so would be best suited with a woman who has an open-mind, a gentle heart and is not put off by his mild cripplement. May we suggest that you also have an interest in politics and patience with children, as Mr. Echelon-Arnost has custody of a young ward.

Mr. Aldous Crouch

Mr. Aldous Crouch
Also a pureblood, Mr. Crouch is thirty-two, a former Slytherin, and is the current Head of the Department of International Magical Co-Operation. He is reserved but responsible and his reputation is mostly above reproach - save for his brother Reuben Crouch, who has been featured in our magazine several times this year. We are positive that he would make a wonderful, kind husband to a woman who is pleasant, dark-haired and dark-eyed (to oppose Mr. Crouch’s light hair and eyes to even out any possible children that could come of the marriage) and does not mind that Mr. Crouch has a limp.

Mr. Sydney Podmore

Mr. Sydney Podmore
A halfblood at thirty-seven years of age, Mr. Podmore is nearly a confirmed bachelor. Still, he’s good-looking, active in his employment as the Assistant Head of Creature Induced Injuries at St. Mungo’s Hospital and would make a suitable husband for a woman who is not put off by his private demeanor. It would take just the right sort of woman who could break down his walls and show him how to love - for that is what Mr. Podmore needs and likely is holding out for - a love match.

Mr. Lionel Lupin

Mr. Lionel Lupin
Mr. Lupin is tall, dark and handsome. He is thirty-five year old pureblood who seems to be holding out for the perfect woman to come along. Quite the catch, he is the Head of the Department of Investigation at the Ministry and resides in Wellingtonshire. Despite being related by marriage to the poorly behaved Elsbeth Lupin (Mr. Echelon-Arnost’s sister), it appears that he has a good head on his shoulders and would need a sociable, fashionable wife. He was a Gryffindor and his wand core is peacock feather, which means that his ideal match is an elegant woman skilled in wandwork and conversation.

Mr. Enoch Rosier

Mr. Enoch Rosier
Mr. Rosier is one of the youngest on this list, being only twenty-eight years of age. However, it is a wonder that the incredibly handsome pureblood is still on the market! He strikes a tall and imposing figure - and he should as an auror! He was a Slytherin at Hogwarts and is an aries, which means he has confidence, courage and willfulness. He would be best suited for an equally attractive fire sign - either a leo or a sagittarius, as they tend to share the same vision of life. Pisces should not get their hopes up, as their sensitivity will be a burden to this strong minded aries.

Mr. Albert Pettigrew

Mr. Albert Pettigrew
Though he is a bit on the shorter end of the scale, Mr. Pettigrew is a well-off, reasonably attractive pureblood gentleman that hails from a sociable family. His eldest brother - Mr. Thom Pettigrew - is active in the professional quidditch community and is the sponsor of last year’s champions Puddlemere United. At twenty-nine years of age, he has several seasons available to him yet, but why wait if you can be his suitable match? A perfect wife would be petite so as not to dwarf him, sensitive to his needs and not fearful of butterflies - as Mr. Pettigrew’s animagus form is one! Something of note - Mr. Pettigrew is only human and is not impervious to the wiles of veela. He was attacked by one in March of this year.

Mr. Richard Gladstone

Mr. Richard Gladstone
Mr. Gladstone is a thirty year old halfblood that is the Magical Bugs Healer in Charge at St. Mungo’s Hospital, an impressive feat for a man of his age! Though not typically considered attractive with his reddish colored hair and numerous freckles, he was in the Hufflepuff house and is known for his friendliness and loyalty. If a woman is able to look past his appearance and truly get to know him, we believe a love match is possible here. He would make a kind husband and a responsible father.

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Issue #198: The 7 Most Desperate Bachelors of the '88 Season