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Witch Weekly · August 26, 2018 – 2:32 PM

Pettigrew Leaves Quidditch!
Followers of the Hogsmeade Howlers may have noted that Mrs. Desdemona Pettigrew failed to appear in her usual role as Chaser when the season started back up after the fog. While single player substitutes are far from uncommon, Howlers sponsor Mitch Quiddel has confirmed that the replacement of Mrs. Pettigrew is a permanent one — though he failed to mention why. What could have induced a woman who refused to make her unnatural energies secondary even to her role as a wife to give up her career now?

While there has long been speculation that her career as a Chaser could last no longer than her husband's patience for allowing her to continue working, in this instance we feel it unlikely that Arthur Pettigrew had much, if anything, to do with the decision. He has not recently shown himself to be in possession of much more sense or spine than at any other point in his adult life, nor has he voiced any public opinion in regards to his wife's Quidditch career at all this season. If this were something her husband had finally put his foot down on, too, it seems strange that the change would occur in the middle of the season, when the substitution must necessarily make things harder for the team he captains than an off-season shuffle would have done.

The far more likely answer is that Mrs. Pettigrew was dispatched by either the team coach or sponsor, as a matter of necessity. Both had tolerated her role on the team up until this point, but it is well-known that mixed-gender Quidditch teams are more difficult to manage, due to the distraction and influence the presence of a woman creates for the men. Since the Howlers have tolerated Mrs. Pettigrew's participation up until this point, it stands to reason that there must be some recent event which has gone further to disrupt the team dynamic than her past behavior, and we at Witch Weekly believe we have uncovered the truth.

Mrs. Desdemona Pettigrew met her husband when they played on the same Quidditch team, and has worked beneath him on that team ever since.

A woman with such unnatural appetites and energies as Mrs. Pettigrew — a woman who could not be satisfied by being a wife, but needed to also have an athletic and violent career — must necessarily have been quite frustrated by the cancellation of the Quidditch season due to the fog, and with nowhere to expend her excess energy, it seems entirely likely that she got herself into some mischief. Since she met and wooed her husband over Quidditch, it seems natural for her to turn her attentions next towards one of her other teammates during the frustrating month of July. The only question remaining to be answered, then, is exactly who she offered herself up to.

The most dashing candidate, Mr. Tybalt Kirke, is unfortunately out of the running as he had signed on to the expedition taking place in Irvingly for the entirety of the month, as did young Mr. Declan Wood. The transportation limitations created by the fog likewise narrow things down, as she would not have had physical access to any players not living in Hogsmeade (otherwise we might have suggested Mr. Mundungus MacFusty, a young and virulent rising Quidditch star from a rather disreputable family, might have been entirely her type, given who she decided to marry).

Through the process of elimination, we have deduced that the most likely candidate for this mid-season affair is none other than Handsome Whitledge. With a reputation of his own for his poor decision making and philandering since his Hogwarts graduation, it can easily be assumed that Whitledge would put up no objection to such an affair — and his position of wealth compared to the often financially-embarrassed Pettigrews may have held some allure for Mrs. Pettigrew which would make his youth and inexperience an easier pill to swallow.

Whatever Mr. Pettigrew's feelings on the matter — even as an alleged adulteress, Desdemona Pettigrew may be a good deal more than he deserves in a wife — the team dynamic was clearly disrupted by whatever occurred between Mr. Whitledge and Mrs. Pettigrew during the fog season. The fact that a second-string player had such unfettered access to the Captain's wife would have proven untenable, resulting in Mrs. Pettigrew's unexpected mid-season departure.

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Issue #194 - Pettigrew Leaves Quidditch