Issue #238 - Season At the Sanditon: Who's Staying?
July 20, 2020 – 2:06 AM
The Original Fake News
July 20, 2020 – 2:06 AM
The Original Fake News
| The Sheep and Wolves of the Debutante Season | |
| Many debutantes have the proper goal of ending their season with a suitable marriage. But how many have actually been successful thus far in this season? Take a look at some of the debutantes of this season. Remember ladies, if you don't like the current status of your seasons progress, a letter to Harmony can be a simple way for some much needed advice to improve your season. The Zabini Sisters While both women are of acceptable breeding, both are the product of a marriage that ended in revealed secrets and divorce. Both women have been known to be on the look out for pureblood men, despite their halfblood status. While one who cares not for blood purity may lend a sympathetic ear, it is unlikely that the pair will ever live up to the purist standards that their father's family presents. Both women are better off at home counting their looses in private.  Miss Bellona and Camilla Zabini, trapped by unachievable goals.Miss Diana Fawley After a few failed seasons, Miss Fawley has found herself successful in obtaining a first born son as her future husband. Congratulations are in order for the lucky couple. One can only hope that her younger sister, Miss Octavia Fawley is successful in her earlier seasons. Miss Angeline Malfoy Despite a coming from a rather respectable family, Miss Malfoy has yet to find a match befitting one of her status. Is there a chance for another arranged marriage within the pureblood circles of society? One could only hope that the aging debutante will find a match to make her family proud, rather than ending up a burdensome spinster. Miss Caroline Delaney Another successful lady of the season, Miss Delaney has caught the eye of one Mr. Evander Darrow. Our sources say that their courtship has been a recent development of earlier this month. We here at Witch Weekly could not be more happy for the couple! Miss Zelda Fisk Speaking of Darrow men, the younger Mr. Darrow has found himself courting Miss Zelda Fisk. Both individuals certainly aren't the most conventional members of society - what, with Miss Fisk working and Mr. Darrow being the travelling sort - but it seems to be a fair enough match. We are glad to see that the couple has - to the best of our knowledge - taken proper steps in courting, rather than the eloping streak that we have been seeing in the younger members of society as of late. |
 Miss Seraphina Nott, too stubborn for her own good?Miss Helga Scamander Charitable and charismatic, she would make a wonderful bride to a very lucky gentleman. That is, if she weren't so motivated to marry above her status. Our reporters have noticed a very distinct pattern of Miss Scamander's dance card being filled mainly by those of higher wealth and status of her own. Perhaps it is time that she either stays home or accepts her place in society. Miss Seraphina Nott Nearly a spinster, it has really been a shock to all of us here at Witch Weekly that she has yet to be placed under an arranged marriage by her parents. Especially given that her older brother Mr. Warwick Nott, had been through one last year. Is she really such a lost hope that her own parents have no confidence in finding a match for their daughter? Miss Liliana Selwyn Recently having joined the ranks of society, Miss Selwyn has already had a private Coming Out Ball in addition to her participation in the Hogwarts annual event. Even with all of the attention, many have already gathered from one of our previous articles that this girl's actions are a wasted effort. Being the bastard she is, no self-respecting gentleman would ever see her as his bride. Miss Cecily Gallivan Charming in her own right, Miss Gallivan's positive traits are overshadowed by her bluntness and quidditch obsession. It is only luck that sees Miss Gallivan see enough sense to not follow in a quidditch playing career - though we cannot say the same for her Hogwarts years. Perhaps a retired quidditch player of her station will find these traits charming. Mrs. Pandora Falk Formally Miss Pandora Malfoy, Mrs. Falk has recently achieved the goal of every proper society woman by finding a suitable husband of her own standing. Congratulations are due for this happy young couple. While some in the more purist of circles might have some things to say on the matter of Mr. Falk's lack of blood purity, the majority of society couldn't be more pleased. |
July 20, 2020 – 2:06 AM
The Original Fake News
| Quiz: Where Will You Be in Five Years? | |
| 1. What is your favourite part of a ball... b. Having a man’s hand on my waist in public. c. Nabbing the most eligible bachelor in the room for my dance card. d. Copious amounts of champagne. 2. Pick a card, any card, and it is... b. The Tower. c. The Empress. d. The Wheel of Fortune. 3. Which aesthetic are you most drawn to? b. Streets full of strangers, whispered secrets, deep red wine stains. c. Pearls and silver hairbrushes, pressed flowers, never being alone. d. Fresh lilies, dark polished wood, old monuments, an earthy scent. 4. You never go anywhere without ... b. A sense of adventure. c. A set of calling cards, what else! d. A sense of foreboding. 5. Pick a society lady. b. Melody Crouch. c. Hermione Longbottom. d. Olivia Pendergast. 6. Which quote most speaks to you? b. “But we no more choose our passions than our features or complexion.” c. “He had not breathed a word of love, or dropped one hint of tenderness or affection, and yet I had been supremely happy. To be near him, to hear him talk as he did talk, and to feel that he thought me worthy to be so spoken to was enough.” d. “I wish I were a girl again, half savage and hardy, and free...” |
7. In the future, you would most like to... b. Work in whichever profession will have you. c. Go to Paris. d. Find some peace. Mostly As: Exactly the same place. If, in five years, everything about your life is exactly as it is now, will you be happy with it? Is this all that you are? You might think you are happy, but misery is insidious, and your personality is almost certainly lacking in some regard. Give yourself a slap on the wrist, throw yourself out of your comfort zone, and get a move on in life so you aren’t left behind. Mostly Bs: Ruined, unfortunately. In the next five years you will pursue your own desires too fiercely, and tumble from grace, burning bridges and losing friends, family, and your dignity all at once. Face up to the fact that happiness comes at too great a cost, or best start preparing yourself for your new life on the streets. Mostly Cs: Happily married. Yes, that’s right: everything is set to go perfectly for you. Your life in five years is a picturesque scene of laughing children, lavish wardrobes and a generous, loving husband - and if you are married already, you are already halfway there. Keep your chin up, darling: you deserve the world. Mostly Ds: Dead. The truth is, you just aren’t cut out for this thing called life. Whether death will come swift or slow, peacefully or painfully, as a result of your own actions or merest coincidence, we cannot know, but we regret to inform you that you are 100% doomed. Best get your affairs in order now, and do the one thing you’ve been dreaming of before you’re in the ground. |
July 20, 2020 – 2:07 AM
The Original Fake News
| Season At the Sanditon: Who's Staying? | |
| With the recent expansion at the Sanditon, many of the social elite have chosen to take up residence for the summer. We’ve seen parties, balls, and even gender-exclusive tea parties take place on the resort grounds since the summer began, making it the place-to-be for debutantes and opportunists alike! Today, Witch Weekly will be letting you in on who’s been staying there, and who might be staying as the summer progresses! The Manwaring Family An American family, the Manwarings are known to British society as being the family Miss Eloise Pendergast, sister of Mrs. Evelyn Abercrombie and the now Mrs. Ellory Lestrange, married. They arrived in June for the weddings of Mrs. Manwaring’s brother, William Pendergast, to Cornelia Lestrange, and her sister, Ellory Pendergast, to Claudius Lestrange. After the weddings, the family, accompanied by Miss Rosalind Pendergast, who scandalously left her fiance at the altar years prior, took up residence at the Sanditon. Sources say that Miss Rosalind Pendergast is attempting to make a reentrance to British society under her elder sister, Mrs. Abercrombie. We at Witch Weekly think she’s better off being betrothed to an aging cousin.  Miss Eloise Manwaring, the Pendergast sister who married an American! |
Harriet Prewett The matriarch of the Prewett family was said to be spending the rest of the summer at the Sanditon. Sources say her (very eligible!) sons, as well as her (very eligible nieces and nephews) may be making an appearance to visit her in the near future—but that’s another story for another issue. Daniel and Freya Selwyn A strange couple, and one unexpected to be staying at the Sanditon, Mr. and Mrs. Selwyn are said to be taking up residence on the Sanditon Terrace for the summer! Mr. Daniel Selwyn, a known recluse, hasn’t shown his face much, but many are excited to see what parties Mrs. Selwyn is preparing. Her mother. Mrs. Benwick, is said to be staying with the couple as well, leading some to speculate that she’s taken a bout of illness once more and is attempting to get some fresh air! Marcus Lytton The renowned fashion designer stayed at the Sanditon for a week in late June, leading to speculation that he may be working on a beach-themed line of gowns! He was seen sketching by many guests, and was even spotted showing his designs to Miss Helga Scamander at a party! It’s obvious that he’s looking for new muses, but what about a wife? The Sanditon is clearly the place to be this summer, and we at Witch Weekly encourage our readers to visit the resort and enjoy their new expansion! |
July 20, 2020 – 2:07 AM
The Original Fake News
| Horoscopes for the Single & Seeking | ||
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July 20, 2020 – 2:07 AM
The Original Fake News
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